


The Roommate Situation

by never_love_a_wild_thing



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Excessive Swearing, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Idiots in Love, M/M, Underage Drinking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:20:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29084517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/never_love_a_wild_thing/pseuds/never_love_a_wild_thing
Summary: Getting married in college to save on tuition may not have been the best plan Liam and Theo have ever had, but come hell or high water, they're sticking to it. And by "hell or high water", I mean a furiously jealous Hayden. Oh, and they may even find themselves falling in love for real this time.“Hey, if people didn’t know, they might actually think you guys were married,” Mason told Liam on his way out, “Or at least, you know, like each other.”“I do like Theo,” Liam pointed out.“I know,” Mason agreed, “But that’s not always abundantly clear to everyone else.”
Relationships: Corey Bryant/Mason Hewitt, Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken
Comments: 28
Kudos: 96





	1. We Got Married

**Author's Note:**

> I think I spent longer writing the summary and title than the actual story...I still don't know if I explained it well, but surprise! It's another domestic fake relationship fic! There's going to be something of a plot eventually (probably not much but oh well). This should hopefully end up somewhere around 30k by the way. Also, they do swear an awful lot and I'm still not entirely sure why, so...there you go.   
> Enjoy! :)

“There,” Liam panted, dropping the last box inelegantly onto the scuffed wooden floor. “We’re done.”

He swung himself over the back of the couch, propping his feet up on the arm, ankles crossed.

“Get your filthy fucking shoes off of my fucking couch,” Theo’s voice cut through the living room.

“Hey, it’s my fucking couch too,” Liam shot back, eyes still closed, “Or did you already forget that we got married?” He waited a minute, and then added for good measure, “Shithead.”

In hindsight, Liam probably should have been more suspicious of the silence. He had a few moments of quiet before finding himself face-down on the floor.

“Fuck you,” he grunted.

“In your dreams. Come help me unpack,” Theo nudged him in the side with his boot.

“Fuck you. Why the fuck do we have to unpack now? We just got here,” Liam complained into the wood floor.

“When were you planning on doing it?” Theo asked dryly.

Liam gave a noncommittal shrug, rolling over to stare up at Theo’s scowling face.

“I’m not unpacking by myself,” Theo told him. “So get off your ass and help me.” He didn’t wait for Liam’s answer before walking into the kitchen.

Liam closed his eyes, planning to rest just for a minute or two, but he was interrupted by Theo’s voice shouting his name from the kitchen, followed by an impressive chain of expletives. Knowing it wouldn’t stop until Liam was in the kitchen helping, he pulled himself to his feet and followed the sound of clinking dishes and swearing.

Theo looked over his shoulder to see Liam and stopped mid-insult. “Oh good, you’re here,” he grinned, “Get that box.” He shoved a carboard box a couple of inches towards Liam with his foot.

“Yes, dear,” Liam rolled his eyes, flipping Theo off.

The thing that people didn’t understand about Liam and Theo was that, despite their swearing and fighting, they were actually friends. The swearing was their way of showing love. The fighting was just the way they communicated. The thing that people didn’t understand about Liam and Theo was that they knew each other well enough to know exactly which buttons they could push when, and how far they could go without crossing the line. They weren’t exactly each other’s best friends, but maybe they understood each other in a way that nobody else did.

So Liam dug into the box, knowing that Theo really would unpack it all himself if he had to. But then, he thought wryly, what kind of husband would he be if he let Theo do all the unpacking himself?

It was already dark by the time the downstairs was unpacked, and too late to get in the car again to buy groceries, so Liam and Theo argued over takeout for fifteen minutes before ordering pizza. Then came connecting to their streaming services, which was almost another half hour, and by the time their pizza arrived, their tempers were both so frayed that there was nothing they could do but watch Grey’s Anatomy and eat at opposite ends of the couch, but with both of their feet up on the coffee table. Theo drank straight out of the bottle of soda, and then passed it to Liam without even looking away from the screen.

“That bitch,” was the first thing he said to break the silence.

The doorbell rang and they both jumped, Liam nearly spilling his soda.

“Who is it?” Liam hissed.

“I don’t know, but hurry up and change it to something less embarrassing in case I have to invite them in.”

Liam grabbed the remote off of the table while Theo went to the front door. He could just see the top of Corey’s head out of the window at the top of the door.

“Hey,” he said, swinging the door open. “We just got pizza, come on in.”

“Shit, this is nice, Mase,” Corey said, following his boyfriend inside, “Maybe we should get married too.”

“Yeah, but I’m not a law-breaking heathen like these two,” Mason said brightly, toeing off his shoes next to the door, where Liam and Theo’s had been dumped unceremoniously into a pile.

“Hey, who says we don’t actually love each other?” Liam called from the living room. Theo felt himself smirk.

“You know,” Mason said, “When those shitheads out there in the world talk about gay people ruining the sanctity of marriage, it is specifically the two of you that they’re talking about.”

“I fucking wish,” Corey snorted. “We brought cake, by the way. It seemed appropriate.”

“Fuck yeah!” Liam pumped a fist into the air, looking over the back of the couch. “What do you guys want to watch?”

“Oh have you see that new show yet? I forget the name. It’s like really dark and edgy…”

Liam cut his eyes to Theo, who grimaced. As long as it wasn’t a horror movie, they could suffer through it for their friends. Grey’s Anatomy would always be waiting for them under Theo’s name on Netflix. Along with Gilmore Girls, Pretty Little Liars, and Jane the Virgin. Nobody had to know.

Mason and Corey stayed past midnight until Theo actually fell asleep on the couch, feet in Liam’s lap.

“Hey, if people didn’t know, they might actually think you guys were married,” Mason told Liam on his way out, “Or at least, you know, like each other.”

“I _do_ like Theo,” Liam pointed out.

“I know,” Mason agreed, “But that’s not always abundantly clear to everyone else.”

Liam snorted. “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, good night.”

Liam went back into the living room, where, looking at Theo, his features so soft and relaxed in his sleep, mouth hanging slightly open, he suddenly had the inspiration to clean up after them, cleaning up the trash, turning off the TV, and even putting leftovers in the fridge.

He went back to Theo and poked him in the ribs. Theo squirmed and cracked an eye open. “Don’t sleep on the couch,” Liam told him, “Let’s go christen our new house.”

Theo moaned in that tired voice that sent shivers down Liam’s spine. “What the fuck is wrong with you?” he croaked, which wasn’t much better. His friend was _not_ allowed to have a sexy voice like that.

“Shut up, asshole. Go to bed,” Liam instructed.

Theo covered his eyes with the back of one hand and flung the other one out towards Liam. “Carry me,” he demanded.

“No. Fuck you. I’m tired too, but at least I can walk up the fucking stairs,” Liam told him.

Theo groaned again. It wasn’t better. “I want a divorce,” he complained.

“Suit yourself,” Liam told him, “Have fun paying full room and board for a tiny-ass dorm room that you have to share with three other guys.”

Theo considered it. “I take it back,” he decided, “I love you Liam Dunbar. You’re my soulmate. You’re my forever boy, Sweet Cheeks.”

“Fuck you. I hate you so much. You can sleep on the couch for all I care,” Liam said without a degree of heat. He moved to grab Theo’s arm and pulled him to his feet. “That’s it. That’s the best I’ve got. You’re on your own from here.”

“Fair,” Theo nodded, and followed Liam upstairs, turning off the lights as he went. “Is your bed ok?” he asked when they got to the upstairs hall.

“Yeah, should be. I made up the sheets, but everything else is in boxes. You?”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“Cool, see you tomorrow.”

“Night, Liam.”

Five minutes later they were brushing their teeth next to each other in the small bathroom. Theo spit toothpaste foam into the sink. “You look like a fucking rabid animal,” he frowned.

Liam said something unintelligible around his toothbrush. 

“You’re right, it is a disgrace,” Theo grinned.

Liam spit into the sink expressly to tell Theo to go fuck himself, to which Theo replied, “Will do. Goodnight Liam,” and disappeared out of the bathroom and into his own bedroom with an obnoxious smirk. Liam jammed the toothbrush into his mouth again and resumed his vigorous brushing.

“We still have no food,” Liam lamented, looking mournfully into the fridge.

“What the hell did you think was gonna happen, Li?” Theo asked, stuffing his bag full of books behind him. “It doesn’t just magically appear overnight.”

“ _Theo_ ,” Liam said in that voice that Theo hated the most.

“We’re not going to Dunkin Donuts on the first day of classes. We’re gonna be late.”

“Not if we leave right now,” Liam pointed out.

“We have to go to Financial Aid,” Theo reminded him.

“We can go after class.” Theo wasn’t going to turn around. He wanted nothing to do with Liam’s puppy dog eyes.

“Oh my god, Liam,” Theo whipped around, swinging his backpack onto his shoulder and catching the cute way Liam’s lower lip stuck out, “For fuck’s sake. Fine. We can fucking go to fucking Dunkin and get your fucking diabetes in a cup. But hurry up. I’m leaving now. With or without you.”

Liam brightened up instantly and ran into the other room to get his backpack. He only had to chase Theo down the shirt driveway before he was let into the truck.

“You’re an asshole,” Liam informed him, buckling his seatbelt viciously.

“I told you I was going to leave without you,” Theo reminded him.

“I had to get my fucking backpack! Do you want me to go to class without my fucking backpack?” Liam demanded.

“No. I want you to go to class without wasting your money and calories on Dunkin Donuts,” Theo replied.

Liam flipped him off.

Junior year was considerably more comfortable than the first two years of college had been. Theo and Liam were both through the crisis of choosing majors, they had their various groups of friends, and had wormed their way out of the dorms and into a nice, if small house off campus. Their school was fairly small, so Theo was also kind of proud of how close he had gotten with some of his professors. The five minutes of tardiness that Liam’s stupid Dunkin run had cost him barely even went noticed to Theo’s relief.

Theo and Liam didn’t see each other again until about five o’clock. Liam found Theo studying at the student center and collapsed into the chair across from him. “I thought we had to go to Financial Aid.”

“We do. I was waiting for you. I thought your class got out at 4:30,” Theo frowned.

“Oh yeah. But I ran into Brett and those guys, and it’s been all summer, so…”

Theo rolled his eyes, but started shoving his things back into his backpack.

“Oh my fucking god, what’s your problem with Brett?” Liam complained, as if it was Theo who was being the drama queen.

“I don’t have a problem with Brett,” Theo replied. Only that he was tall and incredible handsome and probably had an eight-pack. Theo wasn’t entirely sure why that was a problem anyways.

“You always make that face when we talk about him,” Liam said, running to catch up to Theo who had left the table as soon as his bag was closed. “Why are you walking so fast?”

“Financial Aid closes at six,” Theo told him.

“So?” Liam kept pace but looked annoyed about it.

“So we were supposed to go this morning,” Theo reminded him.

“Oh my god. It’s probably not that important anyways.”

“Liam,” Theo stopped walking fast enough for Liam to lose balance. Theo caught him by the elbow on reflex. “We’re married. There’s extra paperwork. They’re going to want to make sure that this isn’t a sham. We have to do it right. Like we mean it.”

Liam’s face finally turned serious, and he nodded, taking Theo’s hand in his own and pulling him towards the Financial Aid Office. Theo looked down at his hand and back at Liam.

“What are you doing?” he asked cautiously.

Liam looked over his shoulder, eyebrows raised, as he pushed the door open with his shoulder. “What? You said to do it like I mean it. I’m just doing it like I mean it.”

“Right,” Theo rolled his eyes, but allowed himself to be led to the desk.

“Uhhh…” Liam stared at the girl in front of him.

“Liam?” Theo asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Liam!” Hayden Romero said, smiling brightly.


	2. Busted!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just as a warning, there's some drinking, smoking, and vomiting in this chapter. Just general college party stuff. I guess the drinking is technically underage for some of them too.  
> Also, I feel like this fic should come with a warning: don't fake a marriage to save money on tuition. I'm pretty sure it's illegal.  
> Finally, I want to say that there is a pattern to the titles, and if you can figure out what it is, I'll give you a big shoutout since it has absolutely nothing to do with the story :D  
> Anyways, I'm happy you've been enjoying this fic so far. Prepare for some jealousy and some sappy thiam.  
> Enjoy! :)

“You want what?” Hayden raised her eyebrows.

“Just our forms to sign since we got married,” Theo said again, with a lot more patience than he felt. Liam was absolutely no fucking help at all, imitating a goldfish at his side.

“You got married,” Hayden repeated.

“Yeah,” Theo confirmed, squeezing Liam’s hand painfully in his own in an attempt to get some help, “Over the summer.”

Hayden narrowed her eyes at them, glancing at their joined hands before looking at Liam. “Really?” she drew out the word in disbelief.

Liam cleared his throat. “Yep. Um…that thing, last semester, was just-“

Theo pressed his toes hard onto Liam’s foot before he could manage to make things any worse, and smiled at Hayden. “Sorry, but we’re kind of in a rush and we need to get these forms signed today.”

Hayden cut narrowed eyes to Theo again, but said, with honeyed venom, “Of course,” and whisked away to the office behind her.

“Tell me you didn’t – “ Theo hissed as quietly as he could.

“I didn’t know we were going to get married last semester,” Liam replied in an equally aggressive whisper.

“Of fucking course you would find the one fucking person on campus to get obsessed with you after a one-night stand who would also just _happen_ to work in Financial Aid,” Theo returned.

“Okay, wait a minute –“ Liam’s retort was put on hold by the return of Hayden.

Theo felt Liam’s fingers tighten around his own, but as more of a reflex than anything. Fortunately, one of the supervisors was following behind her, and there was no more to be said about who had fucked who when. Liam and Theo signed their forms as quickly as they could and sped out of the Financial Aid Office.

“I fucking hate you so fucking much,” Theo said when they got into the truck, slamming the door closed and wrenching the seatbelt across his body. “Why can’t you just fucking keep it in your pants?”

“I thought we said it was ok if we have sex with other people. Nobody’s going to care. Probably nobody will even know we got married,” Liam argued.

“Hayden does.”

“She probably doesn’t even care,” Liam said breezily.

“She will if she wants to hook up again. Jesus Christ what kind of fucking luck do we have anyways?” Theo blew out his breath as he started the car.

“Hey,” Liam put a hand on Theo’s shoulder, causing him to turn back from where he was looking over his shoulder to back out, “it’s fine. Don’t worry about it. If we have to make shit up in front of Hayden, we have to make shit up in front of Hayden, okay? We can do that no problem.”

“Yeah,” Theo agreed, taking a moment to breath again before backing out. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Of course I am!” Liam said brightly. “Does this mean we can get Chipotle for dinner?”

“Jesus fucking – “

“And now she knows you’re married,” Mason summed up.

“Basically,” Liam sighed.

“How mad was Theo?” Mason flipped to the next page of his book. Liam was always amazed at how he could read and talk at the same time. It wasn’t natural.

“At first, pretty pissed. Then I think he kind of got nervous,” Liam admitted.

Mason looked around the library, which was pretty empty considering is was almost dinner time on the first Friday of the semester, and then lowered his voice. “Well, it is technically illegal,” he reminded Liam.

“It’s a bit late for that now,” Liam whispered back. “I’m sure it doesn’t matter that she knows, though. Why would she care? What is she going to do anyways?”

Liam, Theo, Mason, and Corey were pregaming at Mason and Corey’s apartment on campus with their housemates, Sydney and Lori. After about fifteen minutes, Brett and a group of his friends had shown up too. Liam and Theo were kicking ass at beer pong against Corey and Sydney. Brett made his way over to them mid-celebration.

“Hey, Liam,” he said with that charming smile that made Theo’s mouth turn downwards, “Need a partner for the next game?” He looked Theo up and down.

“Nah, Theo completes me,” Liam said thoughtlessly as Theo downed a cup of beer, nearly choking in surprise.

“What the fuck, man?” he frowned at Liam.

Liam grinned and elbowed him playfully in the ribs. “Beat us at the next game and you can be my partner after that,” Liam told Brett.

“You’re up,” Theo reminded Liam, who took his shot, but missed narrowly.

“Fuck,” Theo swore. “How do you miss when I drink half your drinks for you? Fucking lightweight.”

Liam shrugged, still grinning, and watched Sydney take her shot. She missed too.

Brett distracted Liam again as Theo took his shot, ball landing squarely in the last cup.

“I swear you’re cheating,” Corey lamented, picking up the cup and handing the ball off to Lori. “Here. Siblings versus newlyweds. Good fucking luck.”

Brett looked at Corey quizzically as he took his place at the end of the table. “What did you just say?”

Corey blanched, clearly realizing his mistake. Drinking and lying, Theo thought, was not a good fucking combination. “Uh…good luck?” Corey tried.

“Before that,” Brett narrowed his eyes.

“Heads up!” Liam called, tossing the ball far too high and bouncing it off of Brett’s head. “Oops…” He held his hand out for a fist-bump under the table while Brett went after the ball.

Theo couldn’t help smiling as he returned it.

Brett put up a good fight, but he couldn’t beat Theo.

“He’s the reigning champion,” Liam said proudly, slinging an arm around Theo’s shoulders. “But we should get going anyways. It’s almost midnight.”

Tonight was an on-campus house party, thrown by some vague acquaintances, but which was sure to be the event of the night. The house was in full swing by the time they got there, music blaring, people everywhere. Theo and Liam immediately lost track of the rest of the group as they wandered through the house, looking for people they knew and hadn’t seen all summer. Theo spotted Tracy, and consequently lost Liam to the crowd. Not that it mattered, he reminded himself. They would meet up again by the end of the night. As long as Liam didn’t do anything stupid.

He was having a great time with Tracy and their group of friends, when Hayden appeared next to him, flashing a bright, if not entirely authentic, smile. “Hey! It’s Theo, right? The guy that Liam married over the summer?” she cocked her head, while Theo’s friends looked at him in surprise.

“Uh…yeah. Hayden, right?” he said, trying to regain composure, which was fucking hard to do when you’re drunk.

She smiled in response. “Look, I’m _so_ sorry about what happened with Liam. If I had known he was engaged, I never would have slept with him. I really didn’t know,” she said, making her eyes wide. She didn’t sound sorry at all.

“Yeah, well. That’s between me and Liam, so I guess it’s all good,” Theo replied coolly.

“Really?” she asked, with a shark’s smile. Theo got the feeling that he had been right to be as paranoid about Hayden as he had been. She was definitely trying to prove that they weren’t married. Maybe it was Theo’s drunk brain being paranoid, but even drunk, he didn’t want to take any chances.

“I mean, I only brought it up because I just saw Liam going off with Brett Talbot. They looked pretty cozy, but if your relationship’s like _that_ ,” she fixed her eyes on him, “Why get married at all?” She didn’t wait to see if he would confess, but moved away again.

“Excuse me?” Tracy stared at him, “Is there something you wanted to tell us?”

“Later,” Theo said quickly, “I promise. I just need to go find Liam. Sorry. I’ll see you guys later.” He pressed through the crowed, looking for Liam, but found Corey and Mason sitting on the couch instead.

“Hey, Theo!” Mason waved him over brightly.

“Mason! Did you see Liam?” Theo demanded, earning himself a surprised look from both of them.

“Yeah, I think he went outside with Brett. Why – “

“Fuck,” Theo swore, and pushed his way back towards the door. If Liam was going off to hook up with Brett, they were completely fucked. Brett wouldn’t keep quiet about it, and Hayden would be sure to find out. Never in his life had Theo thought he would have to actively cockblock someone.

Luckily, Liam and Brett hadn’t gotten far, Theo discovered, as he stumbled out of the overcrowded apartment and into the cool night.

Brett was smoking, and Liam was sitting on the hood of somebody’s car, swinging his feet and nursing a tall can of beer.

“Liam, oh my god,” Theo panted, “For fuck’s sake, don’t fucking do that.”

“Don’t fucking so what?” he asked innocently, feet still swinging. Brett took another drag of his cigarette, looking amused.

“Hayden saw you come out here with Brett,” he told him, “She thought you guys were hooking up.”

Brett laughed. “Oh my god, is she still obsessed with you? Fuck, man, you must be good.”

Liam shot him a dirty look. “You make it sound like she’s crazy.”

“I didn’t say that. She’s just finding her way in life…”

“Stop the philosophical bullshit,” Theo snapped at him, before turning to Liam. “Wait, so you guys aren’t hooking up?”

“Not right now,” Brett said coolly, “Liam is otherwise occupied.”

Theo looked questioningly at Liam. “Shut up, Talbot,” Liam snarled.

“Easy there, little wolf,” Brett grinned. “Don’t worry about it, Theo. I won’t get in your way.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Brett smiled. “It means what it means,” he replied, dropping the butt of his cigarette to the ground and stomping out the end. “You should take Liam home soon, I think he’s gonna hurl.” And with that, he turned and went back into the party.

Theo spotted the blinking lights of a campus police car in the distance. “We should go home,” he said, as Liam slid to his feet, wavering slightly.

“I’m not gonna hurl, you shithead,” Liam argued.

“No, I mean CampPo’s coming. We should go.”

“Oh,” Liam nodded, “Good idea. I’ll call Mason.”

Theo wrapped an arm around Liam’s waist to steady him as they walked down to the sidewalk and started the long trek back off campus.

Liam swayed under the moonlight, telling Mason he was going home and Mason and Corey should too before hanging up. The cool air felt nice on his face, Theo’s arm steady around him. Liam slung an arm around Theo’s shoulders.

“You’re such a good husband,” he said, head lulling onto Theo’s shoulder.

“You’re drunk,” Theo told him. Liam was sure he was smiling. He wanted to turn his head to see that smile in the indifferent light of the moon and streetlamps, but his head was too heavy.

“Aren’t you?” Liam asked.

A few seconds passed before Theo admitted, “Yeah, I am.” He tightened his grip around Liam’s waist, and Liam picked his head up quickly to look at him, but immediately changed his mind and turned and vomited into the grass at the side of the sidewalk.

“That’s fucking disgusting,” Theo told him.

Liam thrust his middle finger back at Theo, taking another second or two, doubled over to make sure he didn’t need to vomit again, and then straightened up, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Fuck you,” he said.

“Look at me,” Theo instructed. Liam did, captivated by the colors the light of the streetlamp was turning Theo’s eyes. “Okay, you’re good. No residual. Let’s get you home.”

Theo wrapped an arm around Liam’s waist again, this time more lightly, and Liam wrapped his arm around Theo’s waist too. Vomiting aside, it was nice to walk home together in the moonlight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS if you have any ideas for majors for Liam and Theo at this point, please feel free to let me know. I can't for the life of me figure it out...


	3. Coffee Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I feel like this is just a lot of conversations. Maybe there will be more plot in the next one...maybe...  
> Also, I'm feeling an artsy Theo this time. I'm thinking photographer or dancer right now. (I am highly biased as a dancer myself, but I feel like a photographer could be fun too!) Let me know what you think!
> 
> Also shout out to skielatte who immediately figured out my chapter titles! I am very impressed :D
> 
> Anyways, enjoy! :)

Theo and Liam spent most of Saturday lounging around the house, alternating between watching TV and doing homework. Theo was texting Tracy, his feet in Liam’s lap as Liam played videogames, his textbooks spread across the coffee table.

 _I can’t believe you married Liam without telling me,_ Tracy texted, _No wait. Yes I can. That’s exactly what I would have expected of you two._

 _What’s that supposed to mean?_ Theo texted back.

 _You don’t do things by halves, do you?_ _By the way, I don’t know how secret you’re trying to keep it, but it’s not._

Theo frowned. _Not necessarily a secret. What do you mean?_

_Hayden Romero has been spreading it around campus. Did Liam really sleep with her?_

_It was before we were engaged, but yeah._

_Be careful, Theo. I think she has some weird vendetta. Also Josh wants to go bowling tonight. You and Liam want to come?_

“What’s up?” Liam asked, looking over from where his character had just died.

“Hm?”

“You have this look,” he gestured to his face and scowled.

“Just…I think this whole marriage this is more complicated than we thought,” Theo admitted, running a hand through his hair. “Apparently Hayden’s going around telling everyone.”

“Oh, come on,” Liam whined, “Who even fucking cares that we got married?”

“I mean, we’re probably the only married couple on campus. It’s a pretty small school,” Theo frowned, “And we kind of just suddenly came back from summer break married without ever publicly looking like we were even interested in each other.”

Liam snorted. “Do you know how many people used to ask me if we were dating?” He tossed his controller towards the coffee table where the momentum carried it over the far side. He didn’t seem too bothered, dropping his hand to Theo’s feet instead.

Theo had been about to bring his feet back under him, but decided he was perfectly fine with them being right where they were. “I know,” he agreed, “But I never really put much stock in that. Everyone always thinks everyone’s hooking up in college. And anyways, I always said we weren’t so that doesn’t exactly help.”

“Me too,” Liam hummed, thumb rubbing absent-mindedly at the arch of Theo’s foot. If Theo wasn’t careful, he was pretty sure he could fall asleep. “But maybe that’s ok. We can just act like we don’t want other people all up in our fucking business. That’s understandable, right?”

“Yeah,” Theo agreed with a yawn, “We can play it low-key. But, the other thing is…”

“What?”

“I don’t know if it’s such a good idea to fuck around,” he said tentatively, “I know that sucks, but…maybe it would be ok if you can be discreet?”

Liam stared at him hard. For a long time. Theo started trying to think of ways that at least Liam could have sex without it ruining their fake marriage. “I’m sorry. We should have thought this through more. I hadn’t realized how hard it would be to back out once we were in. We could get in a lot of trouble.”

“I don’t want to back out,” Liam said suddenly, squeezing his foot, “Do you?”

“No, but it’s just – “

“I don’t need to have sex all the time, you know,” Liam reminded him.

“For two years?”

“Hey, like you said, we can be discreet,” Liam grinned, “Unless you’re offering – “

Theo shoved his foot in Liam’s face, resulting in Liam pushing his feet off of the sofa, and culminating in a full-on wrestling match.

“Fucker,” Liam panted, laying on the floor.

“Shithead,” Theo replied from where he was drinking water in the doorway. “I think you gave me a black eye.”

“Good.”

“That’s fucking domestic abuse, you asshole. Fuck you.” Liam tilted his head back to see Theo better and smiled. He was pouting pretty adorably. Liam rolled over and stood up, moving to Theo, cupping his face with two hands, and kissing Theo lightly on the eyebrow.

“All better,” he winked, moving past a stunned Theo into the kitchen.

“You can’t fix domestic abuse with cute little kisses on the forehead!” Theo argued heatedly.

Liam rolled his eyes. “You kicked me in the fucking balls, you asshole. I think we’re fucking even.”

Theo scowled but didn’t argue. “Tracy invited us to bowling tonight,” he said, realizing he had never actually gotten back to her. “Want to go?”

“Only if we can get coffee first.”

“Deal.”

Theo and Liam met Mason at the café Corey worked at in town. It was nice to be back to their routine from the past year or so. Especially since this year, Theo didn’t have to bang his head on the table over the business major that he hated, or bring down the mood angsting about how his parents had all but disowned him. Really, now that Theo had been able to compartmentalize that trauma, it seemed like an overly dramatic reaction to Theo switching majors. He had never actually been good at business, and his absolute distain for the major and his dad’s stupid company didn’t make it any better. Not to mention, they had Tara to fall back on when Theo didn’t take over the company. It wasn’t like Theo was the only child.

“What are you thinking about?” Liam asked, chin resting in his hand as he gazed at Theo.

“Parents,” Theo muttered, “I’m fine. Just thinking about how it’s better now.”

Liam smiled at him, the corners of his eyes scrunching up. Theo couldn’t help but smile back at them.

“You guys are idiots,” Mason said, shaking his head.

“Why?” Liam asked.

“I ask myself that every day,” Mason agreed.

“Coffee!” Corey announced, sliding a tray onto the table and sitting down next to Mason.

“Are you on break?” Mason asked, looking at his boyfriend with such pure fondness in his eyes that Liam and Theo rolled their eyes in sync.

“Yep!” Corey smiled. “Did you tell them about the concert tonight?”

“I forgot, sorry,” Mason apologized.

“Sydney and Lori’s band are playing at McCallhen’s tonight,” Corey explained, “They’re on at ten.”

“Oh…” Theo looked at Liam, “We said we would go bowling with Tracy, but maybe we can stop by after?”

“Sure!” Mason said brightly, “Invite them too!”

“I don’t want to get drunk again,” Liam admitted to Theo. “I feel like I fucked up last night.”

Theo glanced at him and then back at the road. “You didn’t fuck up,” he said, “Why do you think you fucked up?”

“That Hayden shit’s all my fault. And then I went off with Brett and she thinks I’m fucking cheating on you or some stupid shit like that,” he frowned.

“So? You’re allowed to go off with Brett if you want. I mean, you could probably sleep with him too, but I don’t know how subtle he would be about it.”

“I don’t want to fuck up anymore,” Liam said. His voice sounded a bit sad. Theo risked another glance at him, but he was looking out the window. “It’s not fair to you.”

“Hey, I could fuck up too. You don’t think I could fuck this all up just as much as you?” Theo pressed.

“I mean it’s not fair to you that you don’t get to do what you love just because your parents want you to do something else. And it’s not fucking fair that you could get in trouble and _still_ not be able to do what you want to do just because of who I sleep with. It’s not fucking fair. You don’t fucking deserve this.”

Theo looked at Liam in surprise and then quickly back to the road. And then took one more look because _what the fuck_? Liam was seething. He was fucking furious. On Theo’s behalf.

“Thank you,” Theo said quietly, as he pulled into a parking spot in front of the bowling alley.

Liam, for some reason, looked at _him_ in surprise. “I mean it,” he said.

“I know,” Theo replied, taking his hand. “Thank you.”

Liam smiled a tiny smile.

“Also, everyone in there knows we’re married, so…”

“Do it like I mean it?” Liam asked wryly, raising an eyebrow.

“Exactly,” Theo grinned.

Liam kind of kicked ass at bowling. He liked Theo’s friends, and Tracy gave him pretty good competition, staying neck-and-neck with him all the way through the first game.

“Nice one, Tracy,” Liam high-fived her as they looked up at the final scores, “Nice to finally have some competition.”

“Oh, what, you don’t count Theo?” she asked sarcastically.

“Nah,” Liam grinned, knocking his shoulder against Theo’s.

“Hey! I’m not that bad!” Theo complained, shouldering him back and then moving away so the fighting wouldn’t get out of hand. Again.

“Oh my god,” Josh complained, “I see it now. I don’t know why I didn’t see it before, but I see it now.”

“See what?” Liam wondered, looking around.

“Idiots,” Tracy snorted.

“You sound like Mason. Why is everyone saying we’re idiots today?” Theo complained.

“Because you’re idiots?” Josh offered.

Liam and Theo flipped him off at the same time.

“She said it first!” Josh complained, pointing at Tracy.

“And you said it last,” Theo agreed with a smirk.

“You’re an asshole too.”

“I can’t argue with that,” Liam grinned.

Theo put him in a half-hearted headlock. “Do you want me to kick you in the balls again?” he asked, annoyed at how much Liam was laughing. And how it made it so hard to keep from smiling. He pushed Liam away and stood up. “Round two?”

Josh picked up a bowling ball and balanced it in his hand. “You guys first.”

Liam was squished between Theo and Mason at McCallhen’s pub, listening to Sydney and Lori’s god-awful band playing. Brett was there too, looking extremely proud of his sister. Tracy and Josh had understandably left after a generous half an hour.

“I feel so bad for that cat that’s being murdered outside,” Theo muttered under his breath. Liam shivered and looked at him. He was smirking towards the band, but cut his eyes quickly to Liam and then away again before he could laugh.

“Oh is it?” Liam leaned away from Mason to whisper back, “I thought somebody’s just been standing on a duck for the past hour.”

Theo snorted and had to cover his mouth and look away when Mason frowned at them.

“Are you getting in trouble again?” Mason asked.

“No,” Liam said quickly, trying to keep a straight face.

“Why does Theo look like he’s dying?”

“They’re really bad, I’m sorry,” Liam whispered.

Mason frowned at them some more and then sighed. “I know. They practice at our place all the time. It’s torture.”

“I’m so sorry,” Theo wheezed, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Liam elbowed him in the side. “Get yourself together,” he said.

It didn’t help. If anything, it made Theo laugh more, burying his face in Liam’s shoulder to try and stifle the sound. Brett looked at them over his shoulder, but Liam just shrugged.

“If you knew it was so bad, why did you invite us?” Liam asked.

“You two just deserve a special kind of hell sometimes,” Mason informed him.

Liam patted Theo on the back as the laughter slowly died down. Maybe they deserved it, but even with the truly terrible music and Theo’s heavy head weighing down Liam’s shoulder, it just didn’t quite feel like hell.


	4. Let's Eat Dinner Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little tiny bit of angst, a whole lot of fluff, and a good amount of bickering, as usual. Maybe there will be plot in the next one. I can promise excitement in chapter 8, but I guess you'll have to wait for that one ;)  
> Enjoy! :)

“If you got married, why don’t you wear rings?” Tracy asked. They were in the gym doing their cool down before going to lunch.

“We didn’t want it to be other people’s business,” Theo answered meaningfully.

Tracy didn’t seem to care about the insinuations. “You’re really not bothered by what happened between Liam and Hayden last semester?”

“I told you, we weren’t together then.” Theo narrowed his eyes at her from his plank. It had been a couple of minutes already. He was kind of shaking.

“That’s a fast engagement,” she said.

“We didn’t need a long one.”

“Why – “

“Drop it,” Theo sighed, dropping out of his plank. “Are you done?”

“Yeah. Let’s go get lunch,” Tracy stood up and held out a hand for Theo, hauling him to his feet. “You know I can keep a secret, right?”

“Yeah,” he replied, “Of course I do. It’s just…we didn’t say anything when we came back to campus because we didn’t want to deal with everyone asking about it. It’s not like there are a lot of married couples at this school, you know?” He said goodbye to the guy at the desk as he swiped out of the gym.

“I get it,” Tracy agreed, “I’m happy you guys got together though, you know? It seems like Liam’s really good for you.”

Theo raised an eyebrow at her as they started their trek across campus. “Really? You think he’s good for me? We were fucking wrestling at the fucking bowling alley yesterday. You think that’s good for me?”

“I mean, you always did that anyways. Do you remember when you were roommates freshman year? It was even worse then. I really thought you were going to kill each other back then.”

“Uhg don’t remind me. I’m pretty sure we hated each other’s guts for a good two months, but we were both too stubborn to move out.”

“Plus you had a double,” Tracy reminded him, drinking from her water bottle.

Theo scrunched up his eyebrows, trying to remember. “No…we had another roommate. Greenberg? I literally never saw him though. I think Liam saw him once or twice. I don’t know what happened to him…”

Tracy frowned too, but then diverted them through the student center to pick up a package. “There should be some food in here. I’ll bring some to class for you later,” she said, picking up the box easily and following Theo out towards the dining hall.

_Where are you? I’m going to eat lunch now,_ Liam texted.

Theo smiled. _Just got to the dining hall. Where are you sitting?_ He texted back immediately, blindly following Tracy.

“I need to put this down first,” she said.

“Liam’s here.”

“Yeah I could tell from your dopy smile. Where’s he sitting?”

Theo wanted to argue, but just then Liam texted him again. _By Pizza. Come find me_ _😉_

Theo rolled his eyes, still smiling, and hastily typed out his reply telling Liam to fuck off before shoving his phone back into his pocket. “He’s by pizza,” he relayed to Tracy.

Liam was sitting with Corey when they got there. Tracy put down her box on an empty chair, and Theo set down his bag next to Liam “Anything good?” he asked stretching.

Liam stared at him for a minute, and then shook his head, “Not really. Get like a sandwich or something,” he told him.

Theo was aware of getting more stares than usual as he went through the motions of filling his plate with lunch. Not that people usually stared at him, but it was so much so that it was more than a little off-putting. He sat down next to Liam, frowning and subconsciously scooting closer to Liam.

“What’s up?” Liam asked through a mouth full of food.

Theo looked at him in distain. “That’s fucking disgusting,” he said, momentarily distracted. “I feel like everyone’s staring at me. It’s weird.”

Liam swallowed his food with dignity before replying, “Same. I thought I was just imagining it.”

Theo watched him, wanting to smooth away the wrinkles that formed between his eyebrows.

“I told you,” Tracy said. “Word got out you got married. It’s a small school.”

Liam and Theo looked at each other. “Really?” Liam asked, “That’s all? Who even gives a shit that we got married?”

“The whole school, apparently,” Corey said, “Like two different people in my lecture asked me about it today.”

“That’s stupid,” Liam complained, “It’s our lives anyways.”

“They thought you hooked up with Brett at that party,” Corey continued ruthlessly, “It’s hot gossip these days. It’s better than reality TV. Everyone wants to know what Theo’s going to do. I’m pretty sure people are already betting on if your marriage is going to last.”

Theo felt a surge of indignation from he wasn’t quite sure where.

“What the fuck is wrong with them?” Liam was saying, before he could even open his mouth. “This isn’t some fucking soap opera. This is real life. This is _our_ life! How can you just bet on it like it doesn’t even mean anything?”

Corey held his hands up in innocent defense for a moment before continuing with his meal.

“Who cares?” Tracy said, “You have a hot husband who you’re married to any both of you know that neither of you actually cheated, right?”

Liam and Theo exchanged glances. “Who are you talking to?” Theo asked.

“Both of you,” she said, waving a dismissive hand. “They’re just jealous. You should just ignore them anyways.”

“We should go on a date,” Theo said suddenly.

“We don’t have money for those fancy restaurants in town. You always say that. Every fucking time,” Liam reminded him.

“Trust me,” Theo promised him.

Liam did not look convinced.

Liam could feel the whispers following him all day after lunch. He sat through his Social Policy and Justice class, feeling distinctly uncomfortable, a feeling that did not go away until he was sitting across from Theo in the library after his classes had finished. Not that Theo was doing much besides laying half across the table, his head face-down in his textbook.

“What’s up?” Liam asked him, without looking up from his own book.

“Fucking everything,” Theo groaned. “I feel like I’m putting you through hell. Nobody will leave us the fuck alone. Also my parents fucking hate me.”

Liam glanced at him and then back at his book, reaching out to pat his head. “There, there,” he said, unenthusiastically.

“I’m not a fucking dog,” Theo complained.

Liam pulled his hand back, causing Theo to turn his head just enough to look at him. “I didn’t say to stop.”

Liam rolled his eyes but resumed gently brushing the hair back out of Theo’s face. He really did feel for him sometimes. Especially about the parents thing. Liam couldn’t really relate. His family was great and supported everything he did. He wanted to tell Theo that they supported him too, but he knew it wasn’t the same. Theo had never had a problem with his parents until he had told them that he wanted to actually major in something he liked and that he couldn’t give less of a flying fuck about the family business. Secretly his sister supported him, but that wasn’t really enough. “What happened?” Liam asked, fingers still carding through Theo’s soft hair.

“All this with people watching us so closely. It’s not fair. If my parents could just be slightly less shitty. My mom always used to send me care packages,” Theo sighed, “But clearly she just doesn’t care anymore.”

Liam hummed, pulling out his phone with one hand and sending off a text before returning his attention to his book. “You know I don’t regret a send of this, right? Today has been weird, yeah, but it’s not exactly hell.”

“You can’t date. Apparently you can’t even fucking talk to someone else without me there or everyone’s going to think our marriage is a sham.,” Theo argued.

“Theo. It’s fine. You’re more important. Today is just a weird day, but we’ll work it out, and I’m sure everyone will be over it soon. Besides, who fucking cares what everyone else thinks?”

Theo sighed heavily again and sat up, Liam’s hand falling away from his hair. “Just promise me that if you need out, you’ll say it. If you need anything, just say it.”

Liam locked his blue eyes with Theo’s green-grey ones. “I promise,” he said.

Liam was less surprised when “date night” ended up being ten cent wing night at the sports bar in town. It maybe wasn’t the most romantic thing, but that was fine. It would be weird to have a fancy fake date. At least this way, after the weird day they had had, their “date” could feel more like normal hanging out, just without Mason and Corey.

Everything quickly turned into a competition. How many wings they could eat, who could finish their drink faster, who could win their foot war under the table.

“Here. Winner pays,” Liam handed the first dart to Theo.

“Wow,” Theo said dryly, “Five whole-ass fucking dollars. What high stakes.”

“Shut up, asshole,” Liam said. “it’s your turn.”

“Shithead,” Theo grinned before throwing the dart.

“Nice one,” Liam smiled back, “Move.”

Theo moved only enough for Liam to have to stand right in front of him.

“I said _move_ , asshat,” Liam elbowed him back.

“Wow that was such a creative change from your last insult,” Theo said dryly, taking a step back.

Liam flipped him off, threw his dart, and then flipped him off again.

“Hah! Looks like you’re paying!” Theo taunted with glee, feeling much lighter than he had all day.

“Shut up,” Liam complained, “That was only the first throw.” He moved next to Theo to get his drink.

Theo took the chance to lean into his ear and whisper, “Want to watch Grey’s Anatomy when we get home?”

Liam felt Theo’s fingers tapping at his hip and shivered. “Jesus fuck. How do you make that sound seductive?”

Theo smirked and winked at him, picking up his next dart and moving away to throw it. “Is that a yes?”

Liam punched him in the shoulder as they changed places, frowning at how close Theo had gotten to the bullseye. “ _Yes_ , Theo,” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Shit that was bad,” Theo commented, “Do you actually get worse every time we play this?”

“Fuck you. I haven’t played darts since last semester,” Liam reminded him.

“Yeah,” Theo agreed, “Same.”

“I’m gonna go ahead and restate my thesis: Fuck you.”

“I fucking hate it when you talk like that, you weirdo,” Theo laughed.

“Love you too!” Liam winked at him.

True to their word, they ended up curled up together on the sofa watching Grey’s Anatomy. Liam reflected that he had had dates end much more excitingly, but there was something nice and comforting about this, too.

“Hey,” he nudged Theo with his foot, “If I had to do this with anyone, I’m happy it’s you. Thank you.”

Theo tore his eyes away from the screen to look at him. “Shouldn’t I be saying that?” he asked, frowning slightly. It was kind of cute, Liam thought, watching Theo try to figure out a puzzle. “I’m the one who needed it.”

“Hey, it helps me too. All jokes aside, you’re a pretty fucking great husband.”

Theo smiled. “You’re a pretty fucking great husband too. Even if you do suck at darts.”

Liam launched the nearest pillow at his head.

“And throwing pillows too. Jesus, Li, maybe you should just stay away from throwing things…” he looked over the back of the couch at when the pillow had made it nearly all the way to the front door.

“I don’t even fucking care what you say right now,” Liam realized, turning his eyes back to Grey’s Anatomy, “I’m fucking happy.”

“Me too.


	5. Show Me the Money

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took a while. I'm actually so into this fic right now and I really wanted to write more of it, but I just haven't had time. I've got some fun things planned for it too ;D Also, recently, I can't get this idea of Liam starting yoga classes to help with his ied and Theo being the yoga instructor who outside of class is low-key kind of an asshole, but Liam loves it and also him...but that's an au for another time...  
> Anyways, that's enough of that. Enjoy! :)

Theo knocked on Liam’s bedroom door. Neither of them had classes until late in the afternoon, so he was probably still sleeping, but Theo felt like he had to try anyways. He knocked again.

“Liam?” Nothing. Theo tried knocking one more time. A groan came from inside the room and something soft hit the other side of the door. The opened it and stuck his head in. It was still mostly dark, apart from the sunlight sneaking around the blinds, but Theo could make out Liam’s form, huddled in his blanket.

“Sorry. You can go back to sleep in a bit. It’s just – I got a message that they still didn’t put our FAFSA through yet,” Theo frowned, feeling a little nervous. It was why he needed to talk to Liam to be honest. Sure, he could call himself and figure out what was going on, but he was scared someone had found out they were lying and they would be arrested any minute now. Being in the same room with Liam, though, was already allaying that fear.

“What?” Liam croaked, clearly still not awake at all.

Theo moved further into the room as Liam reluctantly sat up. His room was an absolute destruction zone of discarded clothes, textbooks, notebooks, and flashcards. Theo nearly tripped three times, eyes too focused on Liam’s naked torso to notice the obstacles between them.

“They didn’t put our FAFSA through yet,” he handed his phone to Liam, who blinked at it, rubbed his eyes, and then looked more closely.

“We have to go in to the financial aid office?” Liam asked, his voice still sounding sleepy, eyebrows adorably wrinkled together.

“I guess. Do you think it has something to do with Hayden?” Theo yawned, running a hand through his hair.

Liam scooted over a bit and patted the edge of his bed. Theo sat down. “Fucking Hayden,” he grunted, “I hate to ever say a girl is crazy, especially when I know how shitty boys can be, but this is a little much.”

“A little?” Theo asked skeptically, stretching out next to Liam, their shoulders brushing as they reclined against the headboard of his bed.

“Hey, I’m trying to be nice for once.”

“Well fucking stop it,” Theo complained, “I’m too tired for this shit.” He slid down a bit so that he was more comfortable as Liam read over the email.

“I’m sure it will be fine. We’ll make it work, T, we always do.” Liam yawned again.

Theo opened his eyes slowly to smile at Liam. “You really are the best husband sometimes,” he murmured.

“For real?”

When Theo blinked his eyes open again, Liam was on a level with him, almost completely laying down. “Mmhmm…”

“You too,” Theo heard, eyes closed and smiling, just before he fell asleep again.

Liam woke up to a firm rap on the door frame. He blinked a few times, not wanting to move from where he was snuggled into Theo’s side, face pressed into his shoulder, so he simply turned his head towards the noise. Mason stood in the doorway, eyebrows raised, but Liam was too distracted by the way Theo’s breath was ruffling his hair to care much.

“What?” he croaked, not making any movements to get up.

“You look comfy,” Mason said, eyebrows still raised.

“I am,” he grunted, “Why are you here?”

“We said we were going to have lunch. It’s one o’clock…did you sleep with him?”

“No, we just kind of fell asleep talking this morning. Is it really one already?”

“Yes.”

“Fuck me,” Liam groaned, finally rolling away from Theo to cover his face with his hands and start to consider getting up.

“I’ll leave that for Theo to do,” Mason shot back, “Be downstairs in five minutes or I’m coming back upstairs again. This time with something loud.” He disappeared from the doorway.

Liam groaned one more time and then kicked Theo hard in the shin. Theo gasped, clearly awake, even with his eyes closed, and said reflexively, “Fuck you, Liam.”

“Weird. That was Mason’s advice too.” Liam sat up. “Get up it’s one o’clock. We need to eat lunch.”

Theo groaned, rolling to press his face into Liam’s pillow, his warm body pushing up along side Liam’s thigh. Liam pulled the pillow out from under Theo’s head and smacked him across the back with it.

“You suck,” Theo turned his head to yawn, “You’re a terrible husband. I take it all back.”

“Huh. And here I would think that would be a good quality in a husband.”

He leapt out of his bed, racing out the door as Theo hurled the pillow and a handful of swears after him. Part of him assumed that Theo would go straight back to sleep, but instead he joined Liam in the bathroom to brush his teeth. What should have been a peaceful, domestic task, swiftly escalated into an elbowing war, and after toothpaste was spit out and toothbrushes were clean, they were racing down the stairs, wrestling each other into the kitchen.

“Oh my god,” Mason stared at them, “What the fuck is wrong with you two? Can’t you behave like normal humans? I thought you might get better after getting married, but clearly I was dead wrong.”

They stopped mid-headlock, suddenly remembering Mason was there. Theo tapped Liam’s arm and he let go, shrugging before moving into the kitchen to start making lunch.

“What do you want to eat?” Liam called over his shoulder.

“Ham and cheese. Wait, can you grill it for me, too? And tomato?” Theo asked, following him into the kitchen like a puppy.

“I was asking Mason. You can make your own damn lunch.”

Theo flipped him off, sitting at the kitchen table, presumably to stare at Liam until he made Theo’s sandwich, which, for the record, he was _not_ fucking doing.

“Actually, what Theo said sounds really good,” Mason said, “Give me the tomato, I’ll cut it.”

“Two please,” Theo added.

Liam flipped him off in return. “Fuck you,” he added for emphasis. Theo pouted, which had absolutely no impact on Liam whatsoever. None. Seriously.

Liam cooked while Mason sliced a tomato and talked to Theo about a videogame they had both been playing recently. He would take it to his grave, but he kind of felt happier than he ever had before, even though he had somehow gotten roped into making everybody’s lunch.

The look on Theo’s face when Liam shoved a plate in front of him was infuriating. “Shut up,” he told him.

“I didn’t say anything,” Theo smirked. “Thank you.”

“Fuck you,” Liam replied, trying hard to ignore the butterflies when Theo reached out to wipe a crumb off of his face and smile like _that._

“Oh my fucking god,” Mason complained, “I don’t know what you guys are worried about. You flirt literally all the time. It’s not _that_ out of the blue when people find out you’re married.”

Liam and Theo flipped him off simultaneously, smiled at each other, and then high-fived. Mason face-palmed.

“The FAFSA didn’t go through,” Theo told him, frowning.

“Hayden?” Mason asked. “She doesn’t run the financial aid office, you know? Just talk to one of the people who actually work there, and I’m sure they’ll sort it out right away.”

“Hopefully,” Theo’s eyes stayed glued to his sandwich, a thoughtful frown in place.

“To be honest, boys,” Mrs. Rider said, “We’ve had some anonymous tips questioning the validity of your marriage. Now,” she held up her hands placatingly, presumably before they could get indignant about the accusation, “I don’t place too much stock with it, but they’re cracking down on the law recently, so we’re required to pay a house visit, unannounced, just to be sure that everything is in order. Will this weekend be okay for you?”

Liam could feel himself bristling, but Theo’s thumb was rubbing small, comforting, circles on his thigh, which calmed him down pretty intensely.

“That’s fine,” Theo said coolly, glancing at Liam, who nodded. “Do we need to be there?”

“It’s enough of an inconvenience to you as it is,” Mrs. Rider told them. She was a sweet, middle-aged, motherly-seeming woman. Liam might even have liked her if it wasn’t for the situation. And that she was Hayden’s boss. “If you’re not home when we come by, we’ll just come back later.”

Later, when they were outside and far enough away from the Financial Aid center, Liam let out his frustration.

“What did that tree ever do to you?” Theo asked from where he lay on the quad, reading one of his theory books.

Liam paused his assault and looked down at Theo. “How are you so calm about this? You’re usually the one panicking anyways.”

Theo shrugged. “We can fake it for a weekend, right? And Mrs. Rider wants to believe us anyways. Then they process our FAFSA.”

Liam frowned, and Theo patted the ground next to him. “Come here.”

He went easily, collapsing next to Theo and rolling onto his back, hands pillowing his head as Theo propped himself up on his elbows. “What do you think they want to see?” Liam asked, still grumpy, “Are they planning on catching us mid-fuck?”

“Mrs. Rider?” Theo wrinkled his nose, “I can’t even imagine her knowing what sex is.”

“Hell no,” Liam argued, “She’s freaky. She’s one of those secret ones – “

“Ew! Li! Oh my god! What the fuck is wrong with you? Don’t put that image in my head!” Theo swatted at him lightly with his book.

Liam smiled and blew fruitlessly at a piece of hair that had fallen into his face. Theo glanced at him and shifted his weight enough to free a hand in order to brush the hair out of Liam’s eyes. Liam smiled at him in thanks, resolutely focusing on not blushing. It was too hard when Theo smiled back at him.

Theo cleared his throat. “We should probably make it look like we sleep together. At least for this weekend,” he suggested casually.

Liam turned his head to look at him. “Yeah?”

“It shouldn’t be too hard, right? We’ll just move some of my stuff into your room and make my room look like a guest bedroom or something.”

“Why my room?”

Theo raised his eyebrows. “Your room’s a disaster. There’s no way we’re going to convince anybody that room is uninhabited.”

Liam flipped him off.

“Huh.”

“What?” Liam looked over to see Theo reading an email on his phone. When Theo turned to look at them, their faces were very close.

“I got a package. I never get packages.”

“It’s not to our house?” Liam asked curiously, checking his own phone.

Theo shrugged, pushing himself up to sitting. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” Liam agreed, sitting up alongside Theo and climbing to his feet so that he could hold out a hand to pull Theo to his feet.

They held hands a little longer than they needed to, and yet failed to notice the students around them staring as they retreated into the student center.

Liam couldn’t help but smile at the sheer joy on Theo’s face when he saw that the decently-sized box was from his sister.

“I should open it at home,” he said, chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“Fuck that,” Liam said, all but dragging him to one of the tables across the hall from the post office. He knew that it was slightly a pride thing for Theo as well. It was feeling like somebody cared about him, but also other people knowing that he wasn’t alone, even if the school was far more interested in his relationship with Liam than his parents. “Let’s open it here.”

Theo grinned at him, setting the box on the table, pulling out his keys, and cutting through the tape.

While he worked, Liam pulled out his phone and opened a text chat. _Thank you_ , he sent.

 _I’m here for both of my bros,_ Tara’s response came at once, _Let me know when he’s feeling down again. He’s not that good at sharing his feelings…_

_Will do_ _😊_


	6. 2 Days & 1 Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this one took so long and is slightly shorter. I've been really busy. Hopefully the amount of cuteness in this chapter will be worth it and they're not too out of character!  
> Also, if you care, I wanted to put this out to the readers, since I can't decide and haven't written it yet:  
> Do you like having the sex scenes explicitly described, or would you rather I just kind of brush past it? It could really go either way in a fic like this. Let me know if you have a preference...the rating may be changing in the near future...  
> Enjoy! :)

It was already Saturday morning when they finally got around to making Liam and Theo’s house look like they were already living together. Instead of sleeping in Mason and Corey brought over donuts and coffee and helped them reorganize their bedrooms.

“Maybe if you make it look like an office/bedroom?” Corey offered, “Just make up the bed really neatly, and then leave all your school stuff at the desk.”

“How do you want to do the closets?” Mason asked.

Liam and Theo looked at each other. “Are they going to look in our fucking closets too?” Liam asked.

“You never know, but it’s better safe than sorry, right?” Mason pointed out.

“This is a lot for one weekend,” Theo complained, “They don’t even care that much it’s just because Hayden has it out for us. We shouldn’t have even gotten married in the first place.”

Mason and Corey exchanged a significant glance that they clearly thought was subtle but really wasn’t.

“Don’t be a fucking idiot,” Liam told him, “We’re fucking married and we’re going to ace the shit out of this house call. They’re going to think we’re so fucking married it’s disgusting.” He grinned at Theo and held out a fist. Theo bumped it sheepishly.

“I know,” he said, “I just worry about it a lot. And nothing seems to go the way it’s fucking supposed it.”

“Hey, I know,” Liam reminded him, “But we make a bad-ass married couple. There’s nothing we can’t handle together, you know?”

“You’re right,” Theo agreed, cheerfully flipping Liam off when he punched him too hard in the arm.

“You guys are really so weird,” Mason informed him, shaking his head.

After everything was finished and a marathon of videogames had been played late into the afternoon, they decided to pack up a picnic and drive out to the lake. They took Theo’s truck, Mason and Liam piling into the back while Corey sat in the front with Theo, making a new playlist. Summer was only recently gone, but the leaves were already beginning to change and the wind blowing in through the open windows was just a bit too cold. Theo was driving, but he couldn’t help glancing into the rearview mirror periodically to see Liam alternating between gazing admiringly out the window and putting his head together with Mason to look at something on his phone.

Shit. If he hadn’t been sure about it before, he was now. Liam was beautiful. And Theo had gone and fucking married him. What a fucking mess.

“What’s up?” Corey asked him.

Liam’s eyes raised to look at Theo, and their eyes accidentally met in the rearview mirror. Theo focused his eyes back on the road determinedly. “Nothing. I’ll tell you later.”

Corey looked at him closely and then nodded. Thankfully the rest of the car ride passed without event. Just a big silver truck carrying four best friends down a colorful highway through the mountains.

The sun was low in the sky when they parked along the street at the edge of the beach.

“Are you okay?” Liam asked as he helped Theo to unfold the blanket for them to sit on. “You’re not worried, are you?”

Theo shook his head. “I think we set everything up pretty well. As long as we don’t kill each other in our sleep.”

Liam nodded in agreement. “Just don’t snore,” he warned.

“I don’t fucking snore!” Theo whined, “You’re the one who can’t keep his limbs to himself.”

Liam’s face flushed pink. “What the fuck, Theo?” he complained, looking very much like he was considering another wrestling match.

“Hey, Theo!” Corey intervened, “Can you came do a photoshoot for me?”

“Sure,” Theo grabbed his camera and followed Corey down to the water where the waves lapped gently at the pebbly sand.

“You had something to tell me,” Corey said casually as he rolled up the hems of his pant legs. He looked at Theo, and it was not a choice. “Tell me.”

“I think I like Liam,” Theo admitted quietly.

“I know you like Liam, what about it?” Corey pressed, leaning back on his hands and looking up at Theo, who snapped a few pictures.

“I mean…you know…more than…normal…” Theo bit his lip, glancing over his shoulder at where Liam and Mason were starting to unpack some of the food. Liam caught his eye and shot him a bright smile. Theo couldn’t help but smile back.

“Wow, that’s so fucking helpful,” Corey rolled his eyes, pushing himself to his feet and brushing off his hands. Theo snapped a few more pictures.

“You know what I mean,” he told him. “Don’t make me say it.”

“I can’t just assume things like that, Theo,” Corey reminded him, shooting a withering look, which was also immediately snapped up by the camera.

“I like him,” Theo hissed through his teeth, “As more than a friend. Which is fucking stupid because I fucking married him.”

“I really don’t see how that’s a problem.” Corey turned his back on Theo, looking out at the lake, running a hand through his hair in the setting sun as Theo snapped more pictures.

“Did you miss the part where I married him and we’re friends?”

Corey looked over his shoulder at him, eyebrows raised, and Theo took more pictures. “Then what are you going to do?”

“Ignore it until it eventually hopefully goes away?” Theo tried. Corey looked doubtful. “Hey, I was fine before. It’s probably just a passing thing. Probably being legally married to someone messes with your head.”

“If you say so,” was all Corey said. The reason he was one of Theo’s closest friends was because he didn’t even bother saying more. Theo was going to do it his own way anyways.

The lake picnic was actually a great vacation from all the stress, not only of the school year, but also from all of the drama surrounding Liam and Theo’s love life. In a place where, theoretically, they all knew where each other stood, they could be comfortable away from the pressure. They relaxed and ate and played in the water until long after the sun went down. On the way home, it was all Theo could do to keep his eyes open.

Liam got out of the car and stretched, shivering in the chilly night air of the beginning of fall. Theo looked at him questioningly from where he was pumping gas into the car, jacket wrapped tight around him, eyes wide with bleariness.

“I’ll drive the rest of the way,” Liam told him, leaning against the closed passenger door.

“That’s okay,” Theo yawned.

Liam rose his eyebrows. “It’s not. You shouldn’t drive tired. It’s not safe. I’ll drive.”

“Aren’t you tired?” Theo asked.

“I had a nap,” Liam shrugged, “If I listen to the radio I’ll be fine.”

Theo nodded finally, and stifled another yawn. Liam grinned. “That was cute,” he said without thinking.

Theo stared at him as Liam mentally kicked himself. “Careful,” Theo said as the gas cut off, “People might really believe we’re married.”

Liam looked around, but the gas station was deserted. Even Mason and Corey were asleep in the back seat. Theo screwed on the gas cap and then paid, tossing Liam the keys as he opened the passenger door. “Be – “

“Be careful, yeah, I know,” Liam rolled his eyes as he rounded the truck to climb into the drivers seat. “I’m not an idiot. But it’s also not like you don’t have me listed on your insurance.”

“Shut up,” Theo yawned again.

Liam started the car and turned on the radio at a low volume. “Go to sleep. I’ll wake you up when we’re home.”

Theo obeyed, closing his eyes and nestling into the seat. Liam spared a minute to look at him before putting the car into drive and pulling out of the gas station.

Theo woke up again when Liam dropped Mason and Corey off in front of their apartment on campus. He stretched and then settled into his seat again, eyes open this time as they drove the silent streets home.

“You’re really okay with sharing a bed?” Theo asked as they pulled into their driveway.

“We fall asleep together all the fucking time,” Liam reminded him, “It’s fine.” He looked at Theo as he put the car into park. “Really. Don’t worry about it.”

Theo nodded and they headed into the house, going straight up the stairs to get ready for the night. Theo emerged from his room in his pajamas as Liam was brushing his teeth, and prepared his toothbrush at the sink next to him. He looked at them both in the mirror.

“Fuck,” he said, “We really do look married sometimes, don’t we?”

That, for some reason, was amazingly funny to Liam, who snorted, practically inhaling his toothpaste while simultaneously spitting it everywhere.

“Cute,” Theo observed, sticking his own toothbrush in his mouth while Liam spat and then finished cackling hysterically. Theo smiled around his toothbrush, watching him as he leaned against the sink.

Before long, they were sliding into Liam’s bed from opposite sides, curling up under the covers and then rolling to face each other.

“You didn’t turn off the light,” Liam said.

“It’s not my room.”

“What’s mine is yours, Sweet Cheeks,” Liam grinned at him.

“Fuck you,” Theo rolled out of bed, turned off the lights, and slid back in next to Liam. “I fucking hate you.”

Liam scooted a little closer.

“Oh no,” Theo said, “Don’t come over here. Don’t you dare latch on to me in the middle of the night, you fucking octopus.”

“But I’m almost falling off the edge,” Liam complained. “And anyways, I don’t do that.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Shut up.”

“Maybe you should just go to sleep.”

“Maybe _you_ should.”

Theo kicked him in the shin, which resulted in a short spat, ending with Liam pushing Theo almost off the edge of the bed with his feet as Theo begged for mercy.

“Just go to sleep,” Liam relented, pulling his legs back into himself.

Theo turned around and glared at him.

“I won’t octopus, I promise,” Liam swore.

“You better not,” Theo warned. “Then I’m kicking you out of this bed for good.”

“It’s my fucking bed,” Liam grumbled, pulling the blankets to his chin.

“I know,” Theo said softly, scooting a little closer to Liam. “That you for letting me share. You can be an octopus if you want, but only a little bit.”

“I can’t control it, it just happens,” Liam whined.

“I know,” Theo said. “I don’t actually blame you.”

“You don’t really snore all that loudly anyways,” Liam conceded.

“I don’t snore at all!” Theo complained.

“No, you definitely do. And that’s the nicest you’re getting out of me if you’re going to fucking snore all night.”

“Shithead.”

“I’m going to sleep first. Maybe if I fall asleep first, I won’t hear it.”

Theo kicked him again, but Liam just pulled his pillow into a more comfortable position and settled in. There was a minute of silence, and then Theo did the same.

“Good night, Liam,” Theo said quietly through the darkness.

Liam couldn’t help but smile with fondness. “Good night, Theo,” he murmured back.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks Janna for helping me so much with this and giving me a title. You're the best!


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